When yes means no.....

Two weeks ago, I was invited to the wedding of a former staff member. The wedding is casual, no response required on the invitation. Most of my fellow workers were also invited and I happily informed them that I would attend.

Yesterday afternoon as they were discussing the wedding and plans to go out clubbing afterwards, I told them I wasn't sure of going. No reason, just that I would most likely not be attending. This did not go over very well.

The wedding is today and I have mixed emotions about not attending. I can think of many possible excuses, none valid. No one wants to hear "I just don't feel like going"; but it's the truth.

I have a very difficult time saying NO. When I say yes to a party invitation, the response is usually "great, looking forward to seeing you there"; but when I say no, I usually get something like "oh dammit why not... it will be fun, you'll have a great time" or most recently "you never show up for anything". This all makes me feel guilty; thus the standard answer: "Yes, I will attend, I'd love to go".

Of course now, I'll have to listen to my friends bitch on Monday morning......... and the standard "We knew you wouldn't show up!"

Which reminds me, also on Monday I will pay to attend the company Christmas Party. Oh, I know I said I would go last year but didn't show up but this year, it's a GO.

Or is it?