Pages

Thursday, November 24, 2005

GOING THRU THE MOTIONS....



How I envy those who believe ..............

I'm going thru the motions today. I've had my first cup of pumpkin spice coffee and preparing for the second cup. The oven is being warmed up to start the cooking process. First, the pies which will be followed by the lil' butterball. Just big enough for the PUGLETS and I and two friends who will be arriving later today.

My sister and her family have as usual invited me to dinner, but I would never consider leaving the dogs alone on a holiday.

This is the first major holiday since the automobile accident that took my foster son eight months ago last Monday. There will be no "Happy Thanksgiving" telephone call ending with "love you". My body is shaking as badly as it did the moment I received that dreaded telephone call.

My anger at him for dying and at the world in general was so overwhelming, I was unable to grieve properly. I went thru the motions of existence but my spirit was gone.

I had just started blogging at that time and needing to express myself; this journal provided the outlet. Thru writing and reading other blogs, I discovered a new world. A world filled with an eclectic mix of interesting, entertaining and caring individuals.

I created a list of my favorite bloggers... My BLOGMASTERS

It is you my BLOGMASTERS that I am thankful for today. Thru sharing a part of your lives with me and allowing me into yours, it appears that I've somehow survived. Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, I'm no longer angry; the grieving process began with the first snow in Boston.
I didn't want him to be cold; I didn't want his body covered in snow. I wept uncontrollably until I could weep no more.
Today, I'm confident that although I will never forget, I will heal...... one day at a time!

Those who believe in a "going home", those who believe in an after life are blessed; the fact that I don't makes it more difficult.

Today is not a good day.

Tomorrow will be better.

7 comments:

Hikaru said...

Very profound, Don.

The Blog Whore said...

I am also not so sure what happens in the end. Or even why horrible shitty things like that even happen. It's so cliche but true that time is a healing factor. I know this from personal experience. So, chin up my man. You are awesome and we all love ya.

BostonPobble said...

No, today won't be a good day. And yes, tomorrow will be better. And when it does hurt, it will still hurt as badly as the day you got the phone call. But when it doesn't hurt...Ah, my friend. When it doesn't hurt is when you realize the hurt leaving just leaves more room for the love. I have NO DOUBT that our men were toasting us (and doing it together)today as we toasted them.

Lee said...

{{{Hugs}}} A belated condolence on your loss. I hope the days do get better for you.

sttropezbutler said...

Thank you.


STB

Ruben said...

I hope that it will become easier for you to handle your grief. Losing a child is a crushing thing.

Qivan said...

I remember going through your archives and reading about this. I can't imagine how devastating it must be.