Saturday, July 02, 2005

The Word is FABULOUS!

The art of Glen Hanson
Gay is not a choice, FABULOUS is!
I'm allergic to KMart!
I never, never, never shop at KMart. Actually I did once; it was November 1988. I had flown down from Boston to spend the Thanksgiving holidays with my family here in Florida. My mother needed cleaning supplies so off we go to KMart. We buy the supplies and as I''m leaving the store, I start to "itch". My mother looked at me and said, "Oh My God, you're breaking out in hives" and I certainly was. My face and arms were blotched and red; my face was starting to swell. I drive myself to Morton Plant Hospital emergency where the doctors determined that I was having an allergic reaction and started a Benadryl IV drip. Four hours later, I was back home, feeling somewhat weak, but the hives were gone. I had an allergic reaction to something. In my mind, the something was KMart.
Today, almost 17 years later, KMart is having a massive sale because of the merge with Sears (I never, never, never shop in Sears). I need new garden tools so without thinking off, I go to KMart. Lovely Martha Stewart garden tools on sale so I select the ones I need and off I go. In the parking lot, my arms, legs and face start to itch. My face is getting hot. I'm having another freaking allergic reaction to KMart! This cute little Mexican is cruising me big time in the parking lot, and wants to start up a conversation. NOT today, dammit. First of all, it's 11 AM (way to early for this shit), and secondly my body is on fire (not from the Mexican but from my KMart allergy). I head home as fast as I can, pop two Benadryl tablets, jump in the shower, and head to bed. KMart is trying to kill me!
I literally had one foot out the door at 11:00PM when my cell phone rang with Tim on the other end asking if I was going out. I was in the bar within 5 minutes and had my first drink in hand shortly thereafter. The Pro Shop Pub is a clean, friendly neighborhood bar somewhat reminiscent of the neighborhood bars in New Orleans. The bartenders are friendly (Steve is on tonite, a real sweetie) and the drinks are good. There's an eclectic mix of music playing "not too loud" so you can hear what people are saying when they talk to you. We had a fun nite made more enjoyable when this dude Patrick announced to all of us that he wanted to "go out with me sometime". Of course he doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell, but I was flattered anyway. I left the bar at approximately 1:45 AM, feeling no pain and after making certain that "Patrick" was already gone.


Beach said...

LMAO. Love ya, Don. Love the Pugs too. Oh, BTW, been reading Brett's journal as well. He's funny as fuck.


Is this the same Patrick Don? Why doesn't he have a snowball's chance in hell???

P.S.: Thanks Patrick for the compliment. ;)