Reflections.......

"It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
Alfred, Lord Tennyson.

Lovers, I've had a few....... an eclectic mix of international males; all unique individuals.

The first was Niles, a customs police officer I was introduced to while vacationing in Bermuda. A beautiful black man who literally swept me off my feet; Niles was kind, generous, handsome, loving and a devoted father to his 11 year old son who he was raising as a single father. Move to Bermuda, he asked...... but I was young, living in Boston and not prepared for the quiet existence Bermuda had to offer. Decisions, decisions.... after several trips to and from Bermuda, I chose to finally make the decision that would probably impact the remainder of my life. I chose freedom.

I met Juan Rafael in a club in Boston. From the southern coast of Spain (Malaga/Torremolinos), Juan had been living in Boston a short while when we met. He could barely speak English and I spoke no Spanish (although I speak French fluently and the languages are somewhat similar). We spoke the language of love (otherwise known as "great sex") . Juan introduced me to a very different culture while I assisted him in becoming acclimated to the American lifestyle; although I was becoming much more proficient in Spanish than Juan was to the english language. We travelled to Spain where I was introduced to his family and friends. I was well received and his parents showered me with gifts including a wonderful collection of 18K gold jewelry and diamonds; gifts to thank me for embracing their son into my life (there was a time when jewelry was relatively inexpensive, especially in countries like Spain).
With and without Juan I travelled to Spain eleven times, always stopping in Madrid or Barcelona for a few days prior to embarking for Torremolinos.
After more than seven years, we parted ways. Juan was working evenings as a somellier for the Marriott in Boston. One evening, he went to work as usual and somehow, for some strange reason, I decided to call him at work. He was not there, and was not scheduled to work that evening. A mutual friend called to inform me that Juan was in a local club with a group of his Spanish friends....... he had lied, after seven years I chose to end the relationship. My attitude was "if you can lie to me once and get away with it, it can happen again and no was was I going to permit that. Juan was devastated, I somehow was relieved. We remain on friendly terms and for several years, I continued to visit Spain. I eventually ventured to the Balaraic island of Mallorca (Palma) where I had a brief two year affair with Miguel, a friend of Juan's best friend. Miguel would not move to the US and I would not move to Mallorca. End of relationship.

I spent the next seven years raising my foster son (JR). During this period, my parental instincts overshadowed any desire to enter into a relationship and it was not until JR got married that I once again became involved in a long term relationship. The lights went out when JR was killed in an automobile accident on March 21, 2005.


Juan Victoriano (another Juan) was from the Philippines. We met on the street in Boston; a look walking by each other, the "look" that says, turn around and take another look. Our eyes met again and we both began to smile. Without hesitation, I turned around and walked up to him and introduced myself. Juan swept me off my feet and I did likewise. It was a whirlwind romance. I was "in love" again! The relationship lasted several years until that fateful trip to New Orleans, the introduction to the city that would become and remains "my second home". Within the delightful decadence of the French Quarter, Juan was mesmerized. His eyes wandered like they had never done before...... that "6th sense" told me this was no good. Aids was at it's peak and I was concerned. During our last evening in New Orleans and after having observed Juan's wandering eyes for over a week, I ended the relationship. He cried, I cried but something was telling me "you can no longer trust this man."

I moved to Florida.