What First Amendment?

BUSH PAYS SURPRISE VISIT TO REALITY

President Calls Two-Hour Stop in Real World 'Informative'

President George W. Bush departed from his planned itinerary today to make a surprise visit to reality, later calling the two-hour stop in the real world "informative."

For Mr. Bush, the visit to reality, while brief, was still significant because it represented his first visit to the real world since being elected President in 2000.

"The President has not visited reality the entire time he's been in the White House," one aide said. "The closest he's come is watching 'Survivor.'"

Mr. Bush touched down in the real world a little after dawn, delivering a brief address on the airport runway in which he attempted to put the best face on his relationship with reality, a relationship which has been frayed in recent years.

But beneath the smiles and positive statements, Mr. Bush's aides seemed well aware that the President's relationship with reality is complicated at best, since his approval rating in the real world currently hovers at an all-time low.

"The President deserves a lot of credit for making this visit to reality," one aide said. "He doesn't have a natural constituency here."

On the whole, though, when the President's two-hour visit was over, most of his staff seemed relieved that the potentially perilous tour of reality had passed without incident.

"It'll be good leaving reality and going back to Washington," one aide said.

Elsewhere, after a new study showed that only one in 1,000 Americans know what the First Amendment is, Vice President Dick Cheney said, "Good, then no one will notice when it's gone."