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Saturday, October 15, 2005

How they hangin?

"I LIKE my pride(s) exactly where they are," he said. "And I like hearing people whistle, point and say, 'Now THERE'S a pair'. I LIKE hearing them clang like fire-engine bells when I walk down the street."

A DAY IN THE LIFE.......

This morning, I took my male pug MUGGS to CRYSTAL LAKE dog park to let him get some exercise and playtime with other dogs......

The gossiping started as soon as we got into the park.

Pit Bull: "Hey guys, look at the Pug.... no balls!"

Muggs: Are they talking about me, Big Daddy? What do they mean, no balls? Maybe we should have brought a ball to play with....

Bulldog: "Hey girlie dog....!" [whistle]

Muggs stayed close to me, not knowing what to do or think.

Rottweiler: "Woo Hoo look at the low hangers on the Dobie that just walked in'; 'Damn, what a pair!"

Bulldog: "Yeah, we could play basketball with that pair."

Penny: [to Dobie] "Hey Big Boy, come on over and hang out with the gang."

Muggs looked at me perplexed... eyes drooping, a sad expression on his face.

It was at this time that the Pit Bulls owner walked over to me.

Dude: "Hey dude, the other dogs don't seem to want to hang out with your dog.... is that a female?"
Me: "no sir, that's my boy Muggs."
Dude: "Why the hell did you get him neutered"
Me: "Well, it's like this, I adopted him from PUG RESCUE.... he was already neutered when I got him."
Dude: "Damn, you should get him a pair of NEUTICLES, they would increase his self-esteem and return that manly look." I guarantee he'd be much happier".

Me: Well he just looks fine to me.
Dude: "Dog's a faggot!"

ON that note, I grabbed Muggs' leash and got the hell out of there.

As soon as I got home, I looked up NEUTICLES on the web.

Yes, there it was..... NEUTICLES.... testicular implants for dogs, so your dog will retain his "natural" look post neutering! Available in a variety of styles and sizez.

NEUTICLES allow your pet to retain his natural look and self esteem. They also aid in the trauma associated with neutering.

From a satisfied
NEUTICLES customer: "Frodo never knew he lost anything and is just a happier little dog since he's been neutered with Neuticles."

After debating the idea of
NEUTICLES for Muggs.... I decided that we already set tongues and tails wagging with our neurotic lifestyle.... so I looked at Muggs and
all I could say was......

I love you Muggs... no balls and all!


Note: To HIKARU....

CAN WE SUBMIT THIS AS A PLAY?
CAN WE GET BROADWAY?
WILL YOU DIRECT?


One of my BLOGMASTERS THERESA is having her puppy neutered next week...I suggest she consider Neuticles as an option, and I'M, sure she'll have something to say about this!

BLOGZIE mentioned Neuticles on her blog... and I thought I would ride with it. Thanks BLOGZIE!

13 comments:

The Blog Whore said...

Don, you are too freaking much!

I, for once, am speechless.

Um, wait...

Can I get my hairless dog some furry ones? Just so they don't get cold? We can strap them on like fuzzy dice!

Hikaru said...

Jesus wept, fake testicles for dogs.

It sounds like something out of Seinfeld.

"The secret life of the neutered dog."

Sounds like a play to me. "The Goat" played Broadway.

ConnieJane said...

What a hoot!!! Actually, I read something on another blog about them just the other day. Who knew? More importantly, who is this obsessed with dog testicles???

Sounds like someone at Crystal Lake doggie park has a problem with their own masculinity if they're that worried about a stranger's dog having no balls! Pervert.

Muggs is cool just the way he is!

Brookelina said...

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant.

Ruben said...

I honestly don't know what to say. I'm speechless and theta is really saying something, because I talk uncontrollably.

sttropezbutler said...

As Peggy Lee so aptly said....

"Is that all there is?"

Oh dondon.....you are way to funny this early in the morning!

STB

BostonPobble said...

I'm thinking that neuticals are the doggie equivilent of a man driving a ferrari. muggs is as sexy as his daddy and don't let him forget it!

Bougie Black Boy said...

jeeesus. I've nto been to your blog for a while. I'm sorry. . . pure entertainment!

Blogzie said...

I've ordered my pair!

Just in time for the holidays!

Now I guess I need to get a dog...


x0x0x0x

cats said...

some people just have too much time on their hands... what's next breat implants for dairy cows?

AC said...

I have heard about the neuticles as well.... Just thankful over here that my puppy is a girl!

cats said...

dondon, i found something just for you and posted it on my blog.

Qivan said...

Well after undergoing very painfull penis reduction surgery,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,just kidding.

I always thought Pugs were really Butch little dogs, so fuck those rednecks in the park. Vancouver has tons of dog parks, which I visit often, not that I have a dog, I want one, but the spouse and I have issues. Everyone gets along, big dog, small dog, the like.