DYSFUNCTION JUNCTION

Vice president Cheney bitterly complains that national security leaks are endangering America. Unless, of course he's doing the leaking, tapping Scooter Libby to reveal national security information to punish a political critic.

President Bush says he will not talk about specific security threats to America. Unless, of course, he needs to talk about a specific threat to Los Angeles to confuse the public and gain some cheap political advantage.

The White House says it has done everything possible to protect the homeland. Unless, of course, it hasn't. Then it can lie to hide the callous portrait of Incurious George in Crawford as New Orleans drowned.

The attorney general can claim that torture and warrantless wiretapping are legal, and mislead congress. Unless, of course, enough republicans stand up and say, as Arlen Specter told the Washington Post that if the lickspittle lawyer thinks this is all legal, "he's smoking Dutch Cleanser."

The president doesn't know Jack Abramoff. Unless, of course, W. has met with him a dozen times, invited him to Caarwford and joked with him about his kids.

The Bushies can continue to claim that the invasion of Iraq was justified because Saddam was a threat to our security. Unless, of course, he wasn't, and the Cheney cabal was simply abusing the trust of Americans to push a wild eyed political scheme.

At the Bush White House, the mere of the word "terror" justifies breaking any law, contravening any convention, despoiling any ideal, electing any Republican and brushing off any failure to govern.

A final absurdity of dysfunction junction was reached last week when GOP leaders awarded Tom Delay with a seat on the Appropriations subcommittee, overseeing the Justice Department which is investigatiing Jack Abramoff, including his connection to Delay.

Does this just all not make you crazy?

Excerpts: Maureen Dowd